Another great email FWD

WHEN I'M 100, IF I LEAN A LITTLE, LET ME!!

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place.

Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she would write notes when she needed to communicate.
After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right side.
A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left side.
Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, and then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.
A favorite grandson, who arrived late, came up to Grandma and said .... 'Hi, Grandma, you're looking good! How are they treating you?'
Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the grandson...

'Bastards won't let me fart.'

One of the BEST emails I have ever gotten

This was actually one of the best email forwards I have ever gotten. All of you know the difficulty of trying to decipher children's innocence, it's all cute and adorable, but in the back of your head you are thinking... WTF is this.... is that... ME?? lol. I mean don't get me wrong, I love the pictures that are drawn for me by my little ones, but... well, just read.... 

Megan, age 4
First of all, I don't even know what this is. If it's supposed to be a dog, then it's the shittiest dog I've ever seen.
F

Kyle, age 8
You spelled America wrong asshole. Also, I could have sworn America's colors were red, white and blue. There's no yellow anywhere, traitor.
F

Lisa, age 6
Holy shit, I almost had a seizure when I saw this one. Three words: too many colors. Also, eggs aren't supposed to have ears, dipshit.
F

Cameron, age 4
Terrible. 
F

Jon, age 8
Ding Ding! Here comes the shit-mobile. I've never seen a fire truck that needed to be shaved. I would rather be burned to death than be saved by this hairy piece of shit. 
F

Rachel, age 7
That's interesting, everyone in this picture is white. Even the rainbow is white. Perhaps in an ideal world, everyone would be white isn't that right, Rachel? Or should I call you RACIST? Nice try, Hitler. 
F

Jason, age 6
This one would receive an "A" if the assignment was to throw as much random shit onto a paper as poorly as you can. I've pissed patterns on snow that look more coherent than this.
 F

Seth, age 4
Vrrrroooooooooooommmmmm! 
F

Kelly, age 9

This was a Christmas gift from Kelly to her parents. Good job Kelly, now pack up your shit and find a foster home. If my kids tried to pass this off as a gift, they'd come home from school and find all their shit outside in a box. What a lousy gift, seriously. You give them video games and toys, and they give you some half-assed drawing with a crooked tree. I wonder how much a gift like this would set someone back. Five, maybe ten minutes to find a                                            napkin and some markers? 

                                                        F

Bryce, age 10
This one wouldn't be too bad if the color were kept inside the lines, you picked a new perspective, used non-abrasive colors and asked someone with talent to paint it for you. On one hand I want to give an A for effort but... 
F

Day 3/365

WHAZAHAPPENIN PEOPLES!!

Today is going to be sort of a short post, just because I didn't have to much going on today. Had lunch with the bestie at Hometown Buffet... OK OK, all I had was Salads, veggies, and chicken people, lol, no freaking out, lol. Then headed out with another good friend to meet up with another friend from out of town, had some dinner at a place called the Brown Rice (which is a healthy Chinese cuisine place) which was really good, you can taste the difference in the food, not as greasy not as oils, but the flavors were great!!
Then got together with the bestie again and headed out to WeHo to see the Showgirl Revue... so on the plus side, haven't been there in quite sometime so I got to see Raven, and Morgan McMichaels, and also got to see Sonique and Miss Mayhem... and... Jasmine Masters (eh, lol) but on the flip-side, uhm, got there late (thanks Ricardo, lol, had a case of the lazies) and uhm, well, let me just quote my tweets...

"Being here (Micky's West Hollywood) reminds me why I hate the gays of WeHo, and very lucky I've only had a beer, cause I was getting very agitated, FIGHT BITCHES!!" and a follow-up tweet "Hahaha I mean seriously, all those skinny bitches are lucky I don't drink nearly as much as I should, and that I have such a cheery fucken disposition. I will leave all those fags in a pile of Botox and self tanner!!"

I mean trust me, I am in so way a self-hating gay, but I am at least respectful enough to treat other human beings as human beings, and be polite, and nice. Don't get me wrong, I can be a bitch if I want to be, TRUST ME HONEY, I can throw shade in the dark bitch, don't fuck with me, lol!!

BAD BEAR!! SHAME ON YOU!! Grrowl, lol
OK, OK... Need to cut this short so, will be heading to the gym tomorrow, so a new Vlog post will be up. Good Night and...

NAMASTE BITCHES!!

Fattie No More!! Vlog #2

OK MY FAITHFUL SUBJECTS!!!
So, it took me a while to get to the gym today, as it has been raining here in SoCal and unfortunately I don't have a car. I was really REALLY close to lazying it out, but if I didn't do it, I wasn't going to do it :-( I KNOW ME
SO WHAT DID I DO?? I braved the elements, lol, and got to the gym, WHOO-HOO!! POINT FOR ME :-)

So, those of you who know me, and who has seen me through my weight loss and gains (more than gains) know that I start off all gung-ho, but fizzle out after the credits, so I am hoping that ya'll will push me, cause I am... well "Bring It On: One Pound At A Time".

SO... NOW... IT IS TIME TO COME OUT OF THE CLOSET, I am going to let all of you in on me...
I am going to show what I way you, and not give you my online weight, or my ID weight, lol, my real weight as of today. THANKFULLY, since my last VLOG (back in June 2010, YIKES) I have maintained my weight (actually lost a pound, but I will say maintained) and here it is :-(

So, YAH, TRUE FATTIE HERE, but you know what, I wear it good.... just a bit consolidated around my tum-tum, well, more around my sides and back, I like my tummy, and so do some guys (anyone wanna take a nap?? lol)

So, come Tuesday, will be another round at the gym, I hope my body re-coop's enough :-)

OH, FYI, I AM SO FLIPPIN HUNGRY!! lol

Ok, and here is the studio version of my video :-P



NAMASTE BITCHES!!

Download My Mix Of The Month

HAPPY NEW YEAR BITCHES!!
Hey there errebody (all my six followers, SHOUT OUT!!) and anyone else who happens to come accross my blog!
Just wanted to do a quick posting, let you know that my MOTM (Mix Of The Month) for the
New Year/January is up, so please take a listen, download, leave a comment, let me know what you think :-)

http://www.mediafire.com/?h4l6h9zmmzt7kpb

NAMASTE BITCHES!!!

Day 2/365

Ok, HERE WE GO KIDS!! Get ready for a bumpy ride!!
So day 2 of this project... I almost failed myself, lol, and got my first posting just under the wire :-P
Ok, so today starts my day of gym-going, eating as best as I can, and DEPRIVING THIS FATTIE OF THE ESSENCE OF MY HAPPINESS, lol, COKE (or any soda as a matter of fact, WWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA). That is right, NO NO, not that powdery substance that hasn't been used since 199never (nineteen ninety never, lol), no one's doing THAT anymore, lol.

So, I tried to do this back in June, blog about my weight-loss (or lack there of) and tried going to the gym, and soreness was an issue, ended up with an ingrown big toe nail, and that REALLY hurt, and that incapacitated me.... HAHAHAHAHAHA, DAMN YOU LAZINESS, you always get the best of me!!

This is going to be a STRUGGLE, but I am going to come out of my fattie closet, lol, well, actually, the closet can't hold me anymore, lol. I WILL be posting video of me at the gym, lol, my progress... although I do have pictures of me in my unmentionable profile and straight on, and I don't want to be held responsible for multiple cases of blindness, and gut wrenching terror... although I only have 6 followers.... EH, I can deal with that... lol. NEVERTHELESS, as you can see, no pictures of me in my mangerie.

So stay turn as I put my best foot forward in trying to get this Fluffy McFlufferson into the USDA Grade A Beefy Stud Sexpot.... ran out of words, but I hope you get my gist. I am wanting to become a brick with a pillow coating :-P

So last night, I took one for the team, and consumed the rest of my junkie type foods, probably not the best way to do it, but SHIT, it's a recession, and it's not like I can return it, lol.

And look, I already have my gym bag packed, and ready to go for later :-)
Stay tuned for my video, and pictures from the gym, and wish me luck, cause I need it. I heard to take 7 weeks to become addicted to something, so PLEASE HOPE I GET ADDICTED... TO THE GYM, and hope that I can break my addiction to soda, and junkie type foods

Good night and...
NAMASTE BITCHES!!

Day 1/365

HAPPY NEW YEARS BITCHES!!

I hope all of you had an awesome celebration last night. I had a fun time, as I spent it with my best friend, his family, and friends. I had a fun time, although I suffered from some type of bloat that made it not as fun, BECAUSE I was unable to drink as much as I should have, lol, but glad I didn't, someone had to keep it together, lol.

As you can see, we had issues just trying to take some pictures, our buzzed asses couldn't get it right, well what do you expect, it was one minute into the new year, many MANY drinks have been consumed, and although we are practically perfect in every way (who the fuck are we... Mary Poppins, lol) we always like to say we have room for improvement.

So first picture, what can I say, dammit, we are just the photogenic, we don't have to try, lol, it just happens!! lol

Now amongst the drunken slurring, we were trying to get it together, but Ric threw shade, and I was still smiling, lol

OK, OK BITCH!! I HEARD YOU, Throw shade, but once again, couldn't get it together, so I threw shade, and he smiled, lol

OK OK OK, NOW BITCH (I SLAP HIM/HE SLAPS ME) GET THIS SHIT TOGETHER!!
SHADE BITCHES!! lol

So, we did have more pictures, and even some video that I am trying to piece together, if my Windows Movie Maker would stop being a piece of bullcaca!!! It keeps crashing

OK OK, I have to hurry up, as it is creep towards 1/2/2011 and I have yet to post today, so I hope all of you enjoy my project this year, and if you have no idea what I am talking about, look back in my posts to see what I am doing this year.

OK BITCHES!! It is cold, and I need to post now, as it is currently 11:58


NAMASTE BITCHES!!!